Everything That Remains: A Memoir by The Minimalists by Millburn Joshua Fields & Nicodemus Ryan

Author:Millburn, Joshua Fields & Nicodemus, Ryan [Millburn, Joshua Fields]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Asymmetrical Press
Published: 2014-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

David is still staring at the paper in front of his face, stabbing at my name with his girthy index finger and saying, “Is this some kind of joke?” over and over. The muted winter sun reflects dully off the building outside my office. David’s Rolex jangles with each thrust; the paper makes a crinkly sound each time it’s speared. He finally sets down the plan and stares over his glasses, not looking at me so much as in me, looking into the depths of my intentions. I don’t know why, but the look in his eyes seems hygienic, cleansed and drained, somehow betraying both disbelief and approval of my foresight all at the same time. The worst is over now. I don’t say anything—his question was rhetorical, wasn’t it?—and instead I sit on my side of the desk, trying hard not to break eye contact while affecting a look that’s supposed to look affectless. And then my expression changes, a sort of shrug, as if to say, If I don’t make a change now … then when? A serious look, although without a mirror I have no idea what my face is doing right now. For all I know I might look like I’m on the verge of a stroke. Inside though, the feeling is different, the strangest mixture of fear and excitement and something else. A nameless thing, as though my stomach has been hollowed out, emptied, and I’m not sure whether it’s the bad kind of hollowing out or the good kind. Either that sick-to-your-stomach nausea, or the sort of nauseated feeling you feel after stepping off the most thrilling rollercoaster you’ve ever ridden. All I can do is sit with this feeling … and wait.

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